Stepping Stones Coaching
Stepping Into Transition
   October 2005  

in this issue

The Importance Of Personal Boundaries

Identifying Your Boundaries

Powerful & Compassionate Boundary Setting

This Month's Quote

Published by Philip Okrend, CPCC, Certified Personal And Professional Coach

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   Dear Readers,

Welcome to Stepping Into Transition, the newsletter designed to help you navigate your way through the challenges of change into an authentic and empowered life.

  • The Importance Of Personal Boundaries
  •   It is a tool of personal power that helps you enforce and safeguard the values that are most important in your life. It is a tool that when used consistently gives you the space to pursue important goals and objectives. It is also a tool that many of us have difficulty putting into practice. The tool I am referring to is setting and enforcing your own personal boundaries.

    Personal boundaries are crossed whenever you feel that someone else's actions and behaviors hurt, distract, annoy or impose on you. Why would anyone let their personal boundaries be violated? Many of us have learned early on not to disappoint others and in order to gain approval, we tend to relax our own standards and values of what is acceptable to us.

    Setting boundaries is not disrespectful, nor can it be considered selfish. In fact, setting boundaries are healthy, natural and serve to raise your self worth because it communicates the essence of who you are, what you believe in and how you want to be treated. Boundaries give you a filter, a device to clear out baggage and clutter and provides the opening for you to really focus on what is most vital and meaningful to you.

  • Identifying Your Boundaries
  •   The first step in realizing the power of personal boundaries is identifying them. Ask yourself what it is about another's behavior that violates your own standards and values. Also take notice of your feelings around that person's behavior. You will feel a direct physiological response, an uncomfortableness in your body when a personal boundary is crossed. As you notice the sensation in your body, ask yourself how you really want to be treated. Ask yourself what you need to do or what you will no longer tolerate to ease your discomfort.

  • Powerful & Compassionate Boundary Setting
  •   In setting boundaries, the more clarity you have around your values and vision for yourself, the more power you will have in setting your boundaries. If you are unclear about your values and vision, write them down in a journal or meditate on them on a daily basis. As your vision of who you are and what you want gets stronger, any concerns you have about disappointing others by enforcing your boundaries will become less and less. Conversely, by enforcing your boundaries you will disappoint yourself less and less.

    It is also important to note that the most powerful boundary setting is done with compassion, with the intent not to cause harm to the other person. Without anger or resentment, you can communicate in an empathetic manner that is natural and clear, and that makes it powerful. It also allows you to move on with clear conscience knowing that you did the best you could by valuing yourself and the other person.

    If you want help in clarifying how to express and enforce your boundaries, you may want to enlist the support of a professional coach or good support system. Whatever you decide to do, you will find that defining and enforcing your personal boundaries is a major step in empowering yourself and creating the kind of life you really want.

  • This Month's Quote
  •   "Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

    -Carita Kent

    I hope you enjoyed this edition of Stepping Into Transition. Until next time. . . Phil

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